


The Lonely Life

by goodwineandcheese



Series: For the Love of Life [3]
Category: Monster
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Development, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Canon, Reminiscing, Tenma and Grimmer's Wife are Sad, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21745495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodwineandcheese/pseuds/goodwineandcheese
Summary: Grimmer's ex-wife has learned of her first husband's death and decides that the proper thing to do is to say her farewells. She meets Tenma there, who seems to know more about the man than she ever did. Curiosity gets the better of her.
Relationships: Wolfgang Grimmer/His Wife
Series: For the Love of Life [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581775
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	The Lonely Life

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to explore the whole "Grimmer's wife learns about who he used to be and reflects" angle because...for one thing I like to suffer but also it's just got so much healing potential. He didn't intend to be cold, but that experience also pushed him to work to change...so idk, this is what we ended up with.
> 
> There are some hella headcanons for Grimmer's wife, lmao. She's free real estate I'm going the whole nine yards here
> 
> Since I'm so bad at fic names I just went with a song for this one, lol

Wolfgang Grimmer was dead. He was buried right here, right where she stood. Young...he had died young. Barely older than Liese herself. She who had grown much older, more mature in the years since their separation. 

The both of them had barely been more than children themselves, then. They were adults in years, but nothing more. They - _she_ \- had been hasty, headstrong. It was unsightly to remain an unmarried girl at her age, and so at the first fickers in her heart she had latched onto the man that would become her first husband. The man now buried beneath the ground, gone too soon.

The news had come as a shock. Once she left Wolfgang, Liese never expected to encounter him again. He had always been distant. He had disappeared with the wind, had never tried to reach out to her - not to apologise, not even to reconnect years later. She had tried to look for him once or twice; they had been married for a time, had it meant nothing in his heart? She surely had fond memories of them, before it had soured. Liese was in a better place now; she would have liked to speak with him once more, perhaps share coffee one afternoon, but he had simply vanished. So, she had put him from her mind. At least, until this past month. 

Perhaps if she had learned directly, it wouldn’t have struck her so unexpectedly. But then, there wasn’t much thought put toward the ex-spouse of the deceased, not when their separation had been so long ago. Instead, she had learned through a friend. Hilde had been her bosom buddy for years, until the woman moved across the border to be with her now-husband; these days she ran an orphanage in Prague, a respectable enough profession. Liese had been catching up with her dear friend - talking about those children in her care, their antics, and their deep appreciation for “Mister Grimmer” and how lonely they had become upon the terrible, tragic news.

Had she not seen the pictures in their “journals”, she may never have made the connection. But the shape of his face, his nose...even the amateur portraits by eight year old children brought out those familiar features. Their late Grimmer, and her ex-husband, were the very same man. 

In the past, she had thought him to be cold. He rarely showed her anything, any sort of emotion, even fondness. It had all been fake, nothing genuine seemed to come from him. But what she was hearing from her friend…

Liese stepped forward, crouching down to lay her flowers. It was harder than she thought it would be. Certainly it was nothing like watching as her son was lowered into the earth, but there was something dreadful as she stood there, knowing he was gone. She closed her eyes.

“I heard that you made a lot of children happy. That they miss you.”

She wished that wasn’t so hard to believe. He was never a bad person, that much she could affirm, but Liese had never seen any sort of warmth from him. Perhaps it was something that had grown in time. Not something that _she_ could have nurtured. 

“Did you finally...did you find your heart?”

She hoped that he had. She wanted that to be the case. Despite how ugly it had been, when they separated, Liese still remembered the good. There _had_ been good. Never would she wish for someone to live a lonely existence like his. If Wolfgang had finally found something that brought a spark in his heart, then she was glad to hear it.

A shadow passed behind her, though Liese paid it little mind. There were plenty of mourners around, plenty come to visit loved ones and friends. Though, Wolfgang wasn’t quite either of those to her, not now. She had come to visit a memory. 

The shadow, though, stayed looming behind her. She could feel it, with a lonely presence. Someone else come to visit him?

Liese took a glance behind her. There stood a figure, tall enough as men could be and visibly tired. He looked almost ominous, his starkly black coat and black hair standing out against the bright of the sky. He had kind eyes, though, and there was something warm about him despite the heaviness that seemed a part of him. More importantly, she recognized his face; even tired as it was, there was no mistaking the doctor from the shocking case that began so long ago. It was a terrifying story, to say the least. There was no wonder he seemed so weary, burdening such a past.

“I’m sorry. I won’t keep you. I was just…”

She trailed off, not quite sure what to say. _Visiting a friend_ wasn’t quite appropriate. Reminiscing on the past...but the moment was already gone. She shook her head, standing back to her feet as she patted down her dress, drawing hands over her hair. 

“I’ll leave you be, then.”

The man looked her over, though she averted her gaze as she moved to walk by him. Whatever his business was to visit Grimmer, it probably meant more than whatever she was trying to accomplish now. Even she didn’t know for sure. Even so, she felt watched; he was looking at her, that doctor. Slowly, she glanced back his way, clutching at her jacket just a little. He glanced from her to the flowers.

“Excuse me. I don’t mean to pry, but...would you be…was he your husband?”

She stopped.

So, he knew.

Wolfgang had been talking, then. But of course he would, it was only natural. She had told plenty of her lady friends about her past marriages, so she shouldn’t be surprised he would talk of theirs. Maybe it was because he had acted so...coldly, as though it was nothing more than a fixed arrangement, never any emotions to speak of. He hadn’t cared enough about their marriage, so to think he _talked_ about it...that was surprising.

Liese stood straighter, looking the doctor in the eye as she nodded.

“I was. A long time ago. It came to my attention recently that he…”

She glanced away, down toward the flowers, then back to Doctor Tenma.

“I’m surprised to think that he spoke of me at all. Did you know him well?”

Tenma’s face turned sullen, sadder than it was before, if that was possible at all. His gaze was downcast, somewhere far away from where they stood.

“I think so. I can't quite say. He was a difficult person to really get to know.”

The small sound of a half-hearted laugh escaped her lips, though it felt unsteady in her throat. More than anything, she knew how _difficult_ he had been. How hard had she tried, just to learn the simplest of things? His mother, his father...if he had any brothers or sisters, where he was born. He was so cryptic, so avoidant. Even now, she knew so little.

“It’s not normal, to keep so much hidden. What was he so afraid to tell us about? I never even knew where he was born, what school he went to. Every little thing was a secret. Marriage requires a certain amount of trust, but I suppose I was never good enough for that.”

There was no malice in her voice, only quiet acceptance. In the past she had resented it, had agonized over how little he divulged to his wife. She had felt it was cruel. But time had given her perspective; Liese knew what it felt like to have trust betrayed, how hard it was to open up again. Wolfgang had been so closed, even from the beginning. Now, she only wished she knew what had happened, _why_ he had become that way.

“It isn’t that he didn’t trust you. Those things were as much a mystery to him as they are to you.”

Tenma’s voice had a certain urgency and sadness in its tone. Liese looked his way again, furrowing her brow. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, unsure of just what to say. Tenma glanced aside, toward Wolfgang’s grave.

“I’m afraid...there’s a lot that you don’t know. Who he was...it’s not that simple. But if that’s something you want to learn...”

He trailed off, inviting Liese to choose. He was offering...he hadn’t said it yet, but he was offering to reveal some of those truths. By how he spoke, Tenma clearly knew more than she ever had about her former husband. But to learn it now...would it matter? Would it make a difference? Even now, she understood that there was pain in that man’s past. To hear it from the doctor now would only hurt her more, for something that was so long ago. She had a life, now. A husband and children. 

But…

He had died in that town. Saved lives there. And according to her friend, he had helped make a great many children happy. Liese...was curious; she wanted to know how that person could be the same one that allowed their son to die, that had been so terribly cold.

No. That...he hadn’t _allowed_ their child to die. It had simply happened. It was beyond his control. 

Liese clutched a little tighter at her jacket, taking a deep breath.

“I have to go now. But I want to know. Please, tell me what you know. Tomorrow...or the next day. We’ll have tea.”

* * *

It seemed that Tenma had no plans to leave within the week; whether for business or visitation, Liese didn’t snoop to find out. They had agreed to meet during the week - the most convenient for him, and certainly not an inconvenience for her. And of course, the benefit that her husband and daughters would be away from the house gave her peace of mind. She had been plain with her husband about what she hoped to learn from the doctor, he was well enough aware; all the same, Liese would much prefer to meet with the doctor privately. She couldn’t say just how raw her heart would be in the aftermath.

Liese made the both of them tea, as promised. It gave her something to do, a way to occupy her hands and mind as she steeled herself for what Tenma might have to say. She led the both of them to sit at the kitchen table, setting down their drinks and lowering down into her chair. She looked over Tenma cautiously, waiting for him to start, wholly unsure of what would come of their talk. He looked as cautious as she felt; it probably wasn’t easy for him, either.

“When I met him, Grimmer was looking into a very complex, sensitive issue. A remnant of East Germany’s corrupt governance. Are you familiar with the journals and documentation he left behind?”

Liese nodded slowly. There was an article - something that her friend had provided. It turned out that Wolfgang had been amassing an enormous amount of information about a secret project of some sort, though the article was very vague on the details.

“A little. I don’t know what was written.”

Tenma nodded, stirring absently at his tea before taking a careful sip. He set his cup down again with a sigh.

“The majority of his writings are about a specific government-funded project, one that was intended to be kept secret. Kinderheim 511.”

“Where that boy was from. Johan Liebert.”

She had read Tenma’s article, to be certain. She knew enough about that place, and how it played into the creation of that boy. Tenma nodded, seemingly relieved she at least knew of that despicable orphanage.

“Grimmer had collected quite a bit of information...personnel involved, records of individuals that he believed might have been enrolled there, even names of people who may have taught Biermann’s curriculum to the children. He was looking for the people behind that awful place, trying to expose it to the world so that we never witness another Kinderheim 511.”

Liese took a sip of her own tea, absorbing this information. It was a noble enough cause, but that still told her very little about who he had been in the past. Still, she remained patient; Tenma had chosen to start with this story, so there was probably a purpose to it. Looking over the rim of her cup, she noticed that Tenma’s countenance had turned sullen, another layer of sadness adding to the first. 

“You said that your husband...that your former husband wouldn’t trust you. That he never told you anything about himself. His family. Where he was born. But those are things....even he doesn’t know.”

The doctor’s hands tensed around the cup, his gaze downcast.

“Grimmer was a graduate of 511 Kinderheim. What happened to him there...he told me what little he could remember. That the readings made them forget. That they remembered each other's names so their identities wouldn't be completely lost. But by the end...he had no memory of his past. Not his family. Not even his name. ‘Wolfgang Grimmer’ was just what he was called after he graduated.”

For a while, Liese was silent. 

She had never even considered it a possibility. Knowing now still wouldn’t change the past - she would never have known, back then; would never have guessed - but the sheer volume of clarity it afforded now, years later, was staggering. And it ached.

What little she knew of Kinderheim was that it was no place for a child to be raised. Wolfgang...Wolfgang had been a part of that hell, a place so terrible that he could no longer remember. Not even his name. Not even his _name…_

“Grimmer spent years trying to gain back what was taken from him. He had to learn how to be human again. How to smile. How to _feel._ He had no one to teach him properly, so he had to stumble through it all on his own.”

Liese felt her chest clenching in on itself, guilt searing her tender heart. She was sure she could feel her lip quivering, even as she tried to maintain her composure in front of her guest. But she…

_You’re such a cold and cruel person. How can you stand there and feel nothing at all? You’re horrible._

“I…”

_Someone like you could never love anyone. And you don’t deserve my love._

“I said horrible things to him.”

Liese spoke in a quiet, choked voice. As much as it was true that she hadn’t known, had no way to possibly know...those were terrible things to say. Incredibly harsh and _cruel_ things to say. Even if he truly were a cold human being...he didn’t deserve to have such venom thrown his way. She had come to understand that what she’d said and done was harsh and immature, but now...now that she _knew_...

“You can’t expect yourself to have acted any differently. You’d just lost your son. You didn’t know.”

Liese shook her head, shook away the gentle consolation of Tenma’s voice.

“I said something I never should have said. He didn’t do anything wrong, and I told him...I told him that he…”

“Please take a deep breath and listen. I know it feels cruel now, but what you said to him was a turning point. You're the reason that he pushed so hard to change for the better. He took what you said and used it to grow.”

Liese broke off, startled by Tenma’s sudden interjection. Most likely he was just trying to keep her from derailing herself completely, losing what composure she’d managed to keep. It did seem to work, at least in part. She found herself settling down, her gaze drifting to her ring. She took a few moments to catch her breath, to calm down.

“When he talked about you, he was well aware that he hadn’t been a good husband to you. In his eyes you _weren’t_ wrong. He _had_ been cold to you. He hadn't been able to love you. But he let that teach him. He came a long way, since you left. By the time I met him, he was making a difference in peoples’ lives. Helping children who were scared and alone. He gave them hope. Something to hold onto in dark places.”

The look on Tenma’s face was fond. From what Liese was aware of, it was probably those boys her friend cared for. Though, to what she knew, there were many many more in that group, all cared for in different homes. She was glad, at least, to hear what sort of person Wolfgang had become. In the end, what he’d needed to open his heart wasn’t a wife doting on him, but children who were as frightened and alone as he had been in his own youth.

Liese took a sip of her tea. It was starting to cool, but she didn’t mind. The aroma soothed her, made it easier to think. Wolfgang had grown, had changed. And she, too...

“I remarried twice, after I left him.”

The words came out of nowhere, but it felt like a story that needed to be shared. Tenma listened quietly, patient with the woman as she sorted through convoluted feelings.

“The first time, it was to a friend of a colleague. We’d gotten along quite well, and he was very charming. There were challenges of course, but he was much more attentive of me than Wolfgang had been. I was pregnant with our child when I learned that he was with another woman. He’d been sneaking out to her for months, during ‘business trips’. I really do have to wonder if there ever was any real business at all. And when I confronted him, he simply left. I haven't seen him since.”

She felt that guilt bubble up again and shook her head.

“Wolfgang was neglectful and left me quite lonely, but I know he wouldn’t have been so cruel as to toss me aside. He tried to be good to me, I know he tried. But he wasn’t what I needed him to be. And I couldn’t make him into that person. Even so, he’d never wronged me like that. It helped me recognize that some of what I said to him was more unkind than it should have been.”

There was another pause, another silence between them. Liese had lost herself to thought once more, to the realization that, perhaps, her own preconceptions of love had been a large part of the problem; she saw Wolfgang as someone that she could change, could ‘fix’. She had hoped to help him open up, to one day be loved and lavished and thanked for her loyalty and her work to warm his cold heart. But that had never happened; _could_ never happen. She could never hope to tackle the trauma that Wolfgang kept buried, not on her own. And to wish to change him, knowing what she did now...

“And your third marriage?”

Liese blinked, awareness returning to her. Tenma was looking at her intently - much as someone who had asked the same question twice or - hopefully not - three times already. She smiled sheepishly, taking her tea to her lips. 

“I’m glad to say that my husband has been nothing less than a gentleman. I’ve never known a man more accepting. He loves Eliza as though she were his own daughter. And we have our own, of course. I’m certainly in a happier place now. But I’ve had to do quite a bit of growing and learning to get where I am.”

Tenma seemed pleased by her answer, nodding slowly. There was something almost familiar about the look on his face, like her story was reminiscent of another he knew. She wouldn’t be terribly surprised if that were so; too many people were foolish in love at the beginning.

Liese glanced down, looking at her hands, then looking through them at nothing.

“It’s hard to imagine how he must have lived. I’ve never had to think about what I feel, or how I feel it. I can’t imagine losing something so human. Losing a name. It’s so much.”

She felt miserable, just to think of that. Even now, trying to behave in such a way - thinking about what emotion she should feel...she couldn’t even do it, even if she tried. Emotions didn’t work that way, you didn’t _decide_ what to feel. It was a horrible thing to do to someone.

There was a short breath from Tenma. As she looked toward him, Liese could see he seemed a little conflicted, as though uncertain if he should say something. When they locked eyes, she gave a small nod. She had invited this conversation to know more about him; even if what the doctor had to say might hurt, she wanted to hear it. Tenma paused, reluctant, then nodded in resignation.

“I was with him, when he died. And I can say...that in the end, the feelings that he had were real. They were coming back to him over time. He may not have noticed it himself, but there were things he said and did that were genuine. And in the very end, he…”

Tenma broke off, and Liese could see a certain mist that glistened in his eyes. It was hard, even for him. Wolfgang...had made a powerful impact on this person, as he had on those children. He had become the sort of man that could move the heart so strongly. 

“He finally cried for his son. The first thing...the first thing he did was cry...for his son.”

Liese closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. A part of her was glad to hear it, that he...that he had loved their son after all. What she’d heard of Wolfgang now...he would probably have been a wonderful father, given the time to mature as he had.

But she couldn’t be glad that it happened this way. Not this way. It meant his final moments were spent in mourning, in pain. Tenma seemed to notice her distress, concern washing into those sad eyes.

“He was glad. He _wanted_ to grieve. He was finally allowed to cry for someone he loved. He felt human, when he died. And that’s all he could ever have asked for.”

Tenma said those things to bring her some peace of mind, but his own eyes were so sad. And though he tried to hide it, Liese heard the faint crackle in his throat as he fought his own pain. To have been there...to have seen it happen...Tenma was a doctor. This was a man he called his friend, and he couldn’t save him. Wolfgang was hardly a person that she knew any more; they had been together in the past, but this man described to her was a stranger. Yet even so it wounded her to hear this story. She could only imagine how it must feel for someone so close.

Liese lowered her head, her heart aching in her chest.

“I’m sorry. It must have been difficult for you. You lost a friend in this.”

Tenma managed a small, appreciative smile, his gaze turning out toward the window.

“He told me that he didn’t understand why anyone would think of him. The idea that people liked him just seemed so far out of his grasp. But I think he won’t be forgotten. Not for a long, long time. I'm glad for that.”

Liese may never have known the person he became, but she knew that the stories were there. In those children, in this doctor, in the friends that Wolfgang had made. She could learn just who he was, because as the doctor said, he _wouldn’t_ be forgotten.

Even so, she felt her eyes well up, her chest clench tighter. This time, there was no stopping it, though. Because when she blinked, she could almost see him. Faint, vague, it had been so long since she saw him, but she almost saw him there, the way he used to be.

Liese laughed softly, though it was an aching sound. Feeble.

“I thought it was proper for me to say farewell to him. And to make amends. I know that I had been in the wrong too, and I wanted to tell him that. I thought it might help if I learned what sort of person he’d become over the years, but I never…”

Liese felt small. Felt herself curl inward, felt as the tears started to fall. She shook her head.

“I never thought I’d _miss_ him like this.”

The silence that followed was heavy, laden with a shared sorrow. For Liese...it wasn’t that she missed their marriage. She was happy now, with her husband. But she could never know Wolfgang the way Tenma had, or those boys had. As a friend, just simply as a person, not as her husband. She could never talk to him honestly and openly about the past, how she might have liked to reconcile.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, comforting. Tenma’s. At some point he must have stood, come around to stand by her. Normally she would find that too bold of a man she’d met only once before, but in shared pain it was contact she would allow.

“I think it’s normal to feel that way. You’ve had to absorb a lot of new information in such a short time. I realize I probably could have been more sparing for you. It’s a lot to take in at once.”

Liese took a few deep breaths, managing to calm after a while, though the tears still wouldn’t quite stop. She supposed he was right, that there was a lot to process, that it was too much in one sitting. She could have told him to stop, that they could continue their talk another day, but even now she still rushed into things.

It wasn’t all painful, though. For years she had been under the impression that Wolfgang had...either looked down on her, or simply felt she wasn’t worth his trust. She had felt perhaps it was her own fault, something about her, that had driven him to be so cold. But those had all been misconceptions steeped in misplaced anger. 

But Grimmer...had accepted her words. Had used them to grow, to become someone better. He had listened to her, had _been_ listening. He’d just never known how to show it. Not in a way that she recognized. 

Liese stood slowly, walking toward the window across from the table. She stayed quiet for a moment, gathering her resolve before she turned back toward Tenma. 

“I appreciate you taking the time to tell me about him. There’s probably more...other stories you haven’t told me yet, but I think this is enough for now. I’d like to take some time to think. And I’d like to go see him again. You’d be welcome to come with me, of course. I just want him to know that I…”

She paused, smiling - really, a genuine smile - though it was a faint thing.

“That I know, I suppose. That the past is in the past.”

And there was someone else she wanted to visit. Someone who deserved to know that his father had loved him. But that was a journey Liese would rather make on her own.

Tenma offered a distant smile, though she couldn’t say whether it meant he might accompany her or not. He was difficult to read beyond the surface emotions he seemed to wear so plainly.

“You were right that I have more to tell. If you ever care to hear, I'd be glad to share with you. And if you'd like, I can point you to some other good people who have plenty to say about him. He left quite a few strong impressions.”

Liese nodded. “I would appreciate it. Thank you.”

She knew at least her friend had those boys...even through those children she imagined she could learn more about who Wolfgang had become. And, she had to admit to a certain curiosity as to just what that research was he had been doing. She wanted to know.

Liese saw the doctor out. His handshake was warm, and though his face remained somewhat sad, he looked better than before as he left. She didn’t expect she would see him when she went to visit Wolfgang; he seemed the type of man who was polite enough to stay out of others' affairs, though she had been genuine in her invitation. Even so, she hoped to talk to him again.

She would never meet Wolfgang as the man he had become, but at least she could learn who that was. He deserved at least that much, to be known.

**Author's Note:**

> SAD SAD SAD SAD
> 
> I'm sort of interested in maybe making this a series...I've already written a pre-canon "Grimmer/his wife" story, but there's a lot of room to write more ficlets like that exploring their relationship. And also after writing this fic I care a lot about his wife lmfao
> 
> So yeah maybe look forward to some more sad fics!


End file.
